If I’m honest…

…I think I’m generally struggling at the moment to strike the balance between being honest and frank and knowing when to shut my mouth. I feel like I’m a great bundle of contradictions – I am dreadful at judging the appropriateness of situations, whilst at the same time I have an impeccably “appropriate” outward persona.*

I think it’s all tied up with my natural tendency to want to keep everybody happy. I can be disarmingly frank with some people, but not when it matters – which is really when it counts. So maybe it is also all tied up with my constant struggle to be more assertive.

I’m not making my point very well.

Sometimes, I want to start afresh, where nobody knows anything about me. But then I’d probably blow it in about ten minutes by telling someone I have no reason to trust something they don’t need to know. But who to trust? My instincts are all wrong.

From today, I will keep certain things to myself and be honest with the people who deserve my honesty.

Well, how’s that for some fairly serious introspection? On an entirely unrelated point, the light was on the Malvern Hills today in just the right way. So that they looked spectacular and sinister all at the same time. I’ll blog about how much I love those hills another day.

*I want to put a (semi) colon in there somewhere but I’ve not got to grips with them quite yet – help, please!

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